Jokes - 1

A Lady On Phone:
"Hello Minesh? Sir, I want to Meet & Talk To You.
You Are The Father Of One Of My Kids."
Stunned and shocked Man screamed:
"Oh my God! I am married and so careful with modern prevention tactics and
how could this happen to you? You can ruin me"
Are you Soni?
Lady replied, "No."
Then Pramila?
No, No.
Mita?
No, No, No
Rupali?
No, No, No, No.
Sunita?
No, No, No, No, No.
Kamali?
No...........................................................oo.
Lady in confusion scolded Minesh:
"Sir, I am The Class Teacher Of Your Son."

 

Wife: Jaanu kash aap sms hote, mai apko save karti, jab chahe padhti
Husband: kanjoos save hi karke rakhti ya apni kisi saheli ko forward bhi karti?

 

Dr. Mallya - lets play the Ambulance game !!
Air hostess - how do u play!??
Mallya - I run my fingers up your legs & you say Red Light when you want me 2 STOP ....
Air Hostess - ok !!
After few seconds .... Red Light ! Red Light ! Red Light !
Mallya - Ambulances don't stop at Red Lights baby !!!

 

Married men's true story:-
Maang bharne ki saza kuch
is kadar paa raha hu...
Ki MAANG puri karte
karte hi mara jaa raha hu... :D

 

Husband Throwing Darts

At His Wife’s Photo And

Not Even A Single One

Hitting The Target..

From Another Room Wife

Called The Husband :

“Honey What Are You

Doing..

*Husband “MISSING

YOU”.

 

 

I walked into my house to find my wife gone and a note nailed to the wall.
'We have your wife, if you want to see her alive again we want £500,000. Do not contact the police, we are very determined. Await a phone call.'
They weren't joking about being determined, I've had 36 missed calls from them now.

 

 

Santa ko Ladies Garments Shop main Salesman ki naukri mili.
Ek ladki aayi aur boli: Underwear dikhao.
Santa [sharmate huye]: Aaj nahi pehna !

 

 

Interviewer:There are 50 bricks on an aeroplane. If u drop 1 outside. How many are left?
Applicant:That's easy, 49.
Interviewer:What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Applicant:Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge.
Interviewer : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Applicant:Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.
Interviewer:It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?
Applicant :Because the deer is in the fridge.
Interviewer:How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Applicant :She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday.
Interviewer:Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?
Applicant: Sir, I guess she drowned?
Interviewer: No! She was hit by the brick fallen form the aeroplane. You may leave now..!! ;)

 

 

A golfer accidentally overturned his cart.
Elizabeth, a "beautiful" real golfer who lived in a villa on the golf
course heard the noise and yelled over to him.
"Hey, are you okay, what's your name?"
"Dan," he replied.
"Dan forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest up and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Dan answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Aw come on," Elizabeth insisted.
She was very pretty and persuasive.
"Well okay," Dan finally agreed, And added, "but my wife won't like it."
After a hearty drink AND sexy driving and putting lessons, Dan thanked his host.
"I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" Elizabeth said with a smile , she wont know anything.
By the way, where is she?"
Dan Replied, .................."Under the cart!"

 

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A woman went shopping, At cash counter she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse. He cud'nt control his curiosity n asked "Do u always carry ur TV remote with u?" She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today..


 The story continues....
 The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased.
 Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what is he doing. He said your husband has blocked your credit card.
 MORAL : Respect the hobbies of your husband. 😆

 Story continues....
 Wife took out his husbands credit card from purse and uses it to clear all the bills. Unfortunately he didn't block his own card.
 Moral:...... Dont underestimate the power of a WIFE.