Are You My Best Friend ????

Think about this
for a minute:
If I happened to show up
on your door step crying,
Would you care?

Narayana Murthy

There are some inspirational leaders you simply can't tire of. Infosys Chief Mentor N.R. Narayana Murthy's A S Deshpande Memorial Lecture at the Institute of Banking Personnel Selection in Mumbai last week was a tour de force on leadership attributes. Technology, said the man who is often referred to as the face of India's software revolution, is only an instrument."The primary ingredient for progress is innovation through the power of the human mind," he added.Courage is the most important leadership attribute, he said, requiring difficult decisions that often run opposed to popular opinion.He also urged his hosts to work on a set of tests (using computer simulation)to evaluate the courage of candidates for leadership positions.More NRN-speak:Speed: You will need to act as if there is no tomorrow. You need a sense of urgency. Jawaharlal Nehru established half-a-dozen IITs, IIMs, the atomic energy establishment, the Planning Commission, dams, and other public institutions in a span of a decade from 1951. He was a man who acted with a sense of urgency.Some decisions will go wrong. But that is okay. The media may criticize you; but if you get eight out of 10 decisions correct, that is a fine record.Innovation, among equals: Ask yourself three questions:Can I do the job faster than yesterday (at the same level of excellence)?Can I do it cheaper?Can I do it at better levels of excellence?That is all innovation is. Executives must spend time with people across the organization to get the best ideas about innovation. At the same time, don't talk down — talk as equals. It is not difficult to implement. Leadership is about creating a vision and enthusiasm so that others also feel they can catch the rainbow. Execution excellence: We Indians think articulation is accomplishment. I had a recent conversation with an American CEO in Boston. The talk veered to think tanks in New Delhi. The CEO interrupted me to say that what India needs now is not more think tanks but action tanks. We need to quickly move from idea to action. Openness to new ideas, fostering pride:I had an associate who was in charge of keeping the board room clean. I would make it a point to introduce this person to all our VIP guests to the Infosys campus, including the likes of Vladimir Putin. This gave the employee a sense of pride, which ensured that the room was always kept sparkling. Leaders need to create an environment where everyone can give ideas. Living by values: Leaders must try and encourage the practice of values such as integrity, hard work, courage, and commitment to excellence among their colleagues. And leaders need to live by these attributes.

Family Problem

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar and discussing about their family problems…… Shot after shot……… The Indian man said to the American, "We have problem in India we can't marry the one whom we love, You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems." The American said, talking about love marriages... "In America We can marry the one whom we love……I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems." The Indian fainted.........!!! :-o

The Tax System Explained In Beer

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100…
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this…:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve ball.
"Since you are all such good customers," he said,"I am going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20″. Drinks for the ten men would now cost just $80. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share? They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtract that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by a higher percentage the poorer he was, to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using, and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay. And so the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% saving). The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% saving). The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% saving). The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12. The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% saving). The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% saving). Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got a dollar out of the $20 saving," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, but he got $10". Yeah, that's right, exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar too. It's unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!". "That's true!" shouted the seventh man "Why should he get $10 back, when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!" Wait a minute, yelled the first four men in unison, "we didn't get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!" The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill! And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our tax system works. The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier. David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D. Professor of Economics. For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

Senior Banking

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.
The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it..
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, but when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
>From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/ her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALLING, PRESS THE
STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing
payment.
# 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
#10.. This is a second reminder to press* for English.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client
And remember: Don't make old People mad.
We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off and we have more time on our hands than you do.